What do you do when you strongly disagree with someone’s actions?
What do you do when you discover someone close to you is doing something that you don’t agree offends morals, beliefs or tastes?…..such as gender issues. Onlookers commonly say, “it’s their business, leave them alone.. so long as they’re not hurting anyone.”
I work with people in change and transformation and have friends embroiled in such weighty issues, so I offer my observations.
“It’s their business… so long as they’re not hurting anyone.” I have found this to be a simplistic platitude, real life is not like that. I find when most people come face to face with a loved one embroiled in a volatile personal issue their response is often fear-driven with little understanding; they can be embarrassed, even disgust. Too often, people reject the person when they think they are rejecting behaviour. They believe that withdrawing contact or relationship will change the behaviour or situation. This is controlling behaviour.
I don’t think people really mean to reject their friend or family member. Their fear is their acceptance will mean they are condoning or agreeing with the behaviour. This misunderstanding of how the human heart works can be very damaging. Actions like this do nothing but push people away. Whereas extravagant, unconditional love and acknowledgement affirms and empowers the person, and replaces conflict.
The greatest pain we feel as humans is lack of value. High achievers are particularly susceptible as they tend to build lives on performance. The most capable, intelligent people are often plagued with a pervading sense of emptiness from this lack of value.
The truth is, only unconditional love can fill this hole.
The principle works like light and dark. To remove darkness, you have to switch on the light. Analysing the dark or telling it to leave gets us nowhere (there are no “Dark-Busters!”) For instance, you cannot ask a person to ‘give up’ something without offering something better to fill the need. A vacuum is a terrible, destructive thing to be left with. The opposite – surrounding a person with unconditional love – is like ‘light incarnate’.
Grace and graciousness is the best example of adding ‘light’ to a situation. The power of grace is in the fact that it puts value on the person that cannot be earned, whereas a condemning or rejecting attitude always takes away and strips value. Love and personal acceptance unattached to performance is the only way to enable the freedom to change. This happens to be exactly opposite to our natural inclination to control.
How we treat others is central to our success in life and business. Conflicts in the workplace occurs in the workplace as much as our private lives, and is the cause of great losses in productivity. Did you know – one 30-second upset costs the company at least 3 hours’ productivity! But these conflicts can be turned into strengths if you know how to apply a few principles.
If you’d like to talk about quickly turning your conflicts at work into strengths, contact us today for a no-obligation, exploratory chat.